howzzzt.co.za

They are like lit oases in an ocean of darkness at night, and often like frantically buzzing beehives during the day. They are the 24-hour garage shops, and they are your friends.

Here in South Africa we have a peculiar overpopulation of petrol stations (for the Brits, that would be “service station”; for the Yanks, we’re talking about “gas stations”.) It’s a long and somewhat complicated story, but basically the formula used to regulate the petrol price makes it very profitable for oil companies to invest in fixed assets. Such as land and buildings. Which is why they have dotted the landscape with two to three times as many petrol stations as South Africa could conceivably need.

Due to some other quirks in the legislation and regulation, almost every petrol station is open for business 24 hours a day, and almost every single one has a shop attached to it. And in this case “shop” is shorthand for “emporium of delights so rich and varied that it boggles the mind.”

Even the most beggarly of these shops will sell you an ice cold Coca-Cola, a selection of chocolate bars and ice creams, packets of instant soup, wiper blades and a box of condoms to get you through those lonely nights. Hey, we’re not here to judge your preferences, just to inform.

But an overwhelming majority also have advanced bachelor support systems that range from in-house bakeries to full-service fast-food outlets. In the cities you’ll also easily find one co-branded with the Woolworths retail chain, where you’ll find premium pre-prepared microwave meals, fresh fruit and vegetables and fresh custard. Any of these will also boast an automatic teller machine (ATM), so a shortage of cash won’t even be a valid excuse. Harder to find (but more exciting still) are the ones that integrate high-end coffee franchises, where a trained barista will grind your beans fresh. No kidding.

In the cities these little slices of paradise are thick as flies on a dog turd, but if a town is big enough to appear on a map you’ll find a 24-hour garage in it. Oh, and they are also common in the absolute middle of nowhere, if you are driving along a major highway.

If you hail from a third world country (like anywhere in Europe) we know you’ll find it hard to believe. But when you run out of triple-A batteries at three in the morning, or absolutely must have ribbed-for-her-pleasure consumables, just step outside and look for a brightly lit forecourt. The petrol station will provide.

The title makes much more sense if you are an old-school Slashdot reader, trust us.

Unfortunately, those kind of bad jokes are exactly what you can expect from Howzzzt.co.za. Our raison d’être can be summed up thusly:

• do some fun writing (which happens to be about South Africa and will mostly be useful to people who don’t live here)
• have fun publishing it
• and see if anybody reads it.

Also, if we can pay for the costs of hosting it, that would be nice too.

Howzzzt is about South Africa because South Africa is strange and wonderful, and provides endless material for us to write about. We don’t set out to inform or educate – we set out to make sense of this place for ourselves through the process of explaining it to other people. So you’d better take everything you find here with a grain of salt. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

If you plan to be a visitor to our country, or just want to learn more about us, then Howzzzt may be of some help. But, honestly, the odds are against that. You’d be better off somewhere formal (and a little boring) like SouthAfrica.info.

If that disclaimer hasn’t scared you off, then please do call again. And do feel free to leave a comment. We love knowing that we aren’t just talking to ourselves.