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As a visitor to our lovely land, you might be well-versed in the use of escalators. Don’t fool yourself in thinking you know how to use these in SA. There are people who will tell you that by riding an escalator, you’re accepting some unstated rules of etiquette. These people are usually foreigners. They have escalators that run the length of a soccer pitch. And the foot traffic – let’s not even go there.

Image by Morgatek, licensed under Creative Commons for commercial use.

When it comes to escalators, South Africans don’t have any standard etiquette. It’s true. For us laid-back and nice locals, escalators are ways to get somewhere with the least effort possible. We like that – no effort with all the rewards. They are places to have a quick catch-up as you move past a friend going the opposite ways. Or to zone out. Or to make out on. It’s just how we roll.

So here are a few things about  local escalator usage to bear in mind.

Locals tend not to hold the hand-rails: who knows what’s been there before us. Ick.  If  these sharp-edged moving steel staircases suddenly stop working, all hell will break loose. It’s known to happen. There was a famous Joburg airport incident. Google it.

Another difficult thing about being behind a local on the escalator, is that we tend to stop unexpectedly. (Perhaps we’re chatting on our phones and need to find a pen to write down that pastry chef’s phone-number for the dinner party we’re having three months from now.) Don’t try to predict when this might happen or hope for the best. We’ll outfox every time. But whatever the reason, be prepared.

Some South Africans will vacillate at the entrance or exit of an escalator. You might be tempted to approach them and try to squeeze past. Don’t.  Still others will take the path of least resistance and cross the opposite lane of traffic to exit or enter the escalator. Again take it in your stride. Being calm is the key to using escalators here.

Seesaws for the lazy.

This, however, is the most important thing to know: do not mess with a South African already riding the escalator. As a rule, we don’t stand to one side and let people pass by. Not because we’re difficult; we just don’t have escalators that demand that kind of commitment. And it is a commitment. If you come from a city with a subway, get over it. Welcome to SA; don’t anger the locals.

If you’re in a hurry, what do you do? Stand and wait or push past?  Sigh loudly or clear your throat? There is a way out.

Luckily for all visitors, this is where the nice comes in.  In the spirit of Ubuntu, if you ask nicely (we’re very fond of nice) we’ll happy let you pass on by. No bloodshed. No problem.

Just remember to choose wisely. If the big guy in front of you is snogging his girlfriend – don’t tap him politely on the shoulder. Saving those few seconds is not worth it.

Dullstroom is one of those tourist traps that attracts more locals than foreigners. It’s about three hours out of Johannesburg and Pretoria – close enough to be a weekend escape for Safricans, but a little too out of the way for most tourists. Except the ones who want to fly-fish for trout. Dullstroom is smack in the middle of the only real fly fishing area in the country (though parts of the Western Cape do pretend to the throne.)
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That, unfortunately, is about all that Dullstroom has to offer. The scenery isn’t bad, so you can do the hiking or horse-riding thing, but frankly there are more spectacular places to do that all over the country. The major attraction, and we ain’t kidding, is the fact that it has the highest railway station in the country (just over 2 000 meters above sea level). So, with a flood of bored housewives abandoned by their fishing husbands and desperately eager to spend money somehow, Dullstroom has been transformed into a cute little shopping village. There is an astounding amount of ugly contemporary art, beadwork and suchlike on sale all over the place. The town also has some unexpected speciality stores, such as one offering nothing but clocks, mostly grandfather clocks.

It also has an incidence of restaurants that is utterly outrageous given the size and location of the town – and here you can find some of the finest trout dishes served anywhere in the world.

We’re not all that into Dullstroom – we bore too easily – but it’s a good place to run away to if you need to get out of the cities but still want to stay somewhere with running water, underfloor heating and satellite television.

Speaking of heating, beware of Dullstroom and surrounds in the winter. The place gets cold, really, really cold. It is no accident that the town features a fairly large purveyor of ski clothing. Take a scarf, and if you are staying over enquire as to the availability of fire places and electric blankets. If your car’s heater is broken, don’t go.

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Howzzzt recommends: 2Chefs Bistro, Dullstroom