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Technically a mielie is an ear of corn and braai is a verb referring to the process of barbecuing (usually meat), so a braai mielie is simply a piece of corn prepared over an open fire. But sometimes direct translation fails, and this is one of those times.

The braai mielie is a South African phenomenon that laughs in the face of academic analysis and stubbornly refuses to make sense. In some urban areas, like Johannesburg, they are an infallible seasonal feature. Whenever mielies become available it’s like God’s own multifunction printer kicks into action to run off an infinite number of exact replicas of the braai-mielie lady: always black, always female, always friendly, always on duty no matter what the weather, always tending a fire fuelled primarily by a mixture of anthracite and soft, smoky coal, which is always contained in a modified big metal drum, and always stationed by the side of the road, anywhere the road shoulder allows a truck to pull over.

Mainstream retail has attempted to co-opt the braai mielie that seems so popular (given the high number of roadside sellers) but attempts have invariably failed. Nobody wants to buy a mielie over the counter after it has been carefully prepared on an industrial-grade gas-fired stove by a trained food technician in an environment certified to be hygienic. We want to pull off the road and buy a mielie which is carcinogenic and probably slightly radioactive from all the coal dust spread over it, and then eat it without so much as a pad of butter for accompaniment.

If you are not familiar with corn on the cob, it isn’t exactly easy to eat with one hand (or at all), so why it should be popular among drivers is yet another mystery. And the fierce competition among the sellers, sometimes located just across the road from one another Starbucks-style, mean that prices are rock-bottom low, so why they bother to do it is also not clear. Yet rain or shine you can find a mielie lady ready to serve.

We wouldn’t normally recommend them on a culinary basis, but if you are the kind of tourist who has a township tour on your itinerary, then don’t go home until you can claim to have eaten one.

To further the cutting-edge research first published in “21 things you can buy at South African traffic intersections”, we present: 15 things you can buy at the side of the road. For these you’ll actually have to get out of your car, or at the very least pull over to the side of the road.

(List correct at time of publication. No credit cards or travellers cheques accepted. Transportation is the sole responsibility of the purchaser unless otherwise negotiated and remunerated. Inclusive of value added tax (VAT), but no tax refunds available. All verbal guarantees and warranties are invalid unless goods are returned with original purchase receipt. No purchase receipt available.)

* Half-grown trees
* Braai mielies
* Cellphone airtime
* Bad art (wood carvings and oil-on-canvas, mostly)
* A gas refill for your car air-conditioner, and windscreen repair
* Exhaust repair services and tyres
* Mosquito nets
* Prostitutes (rental only)
* Furniture (wicker, wood, cushions)
* Mirrors (framed and unframed)
* Cigarettes and sweets
* Fruit of every description
* Raw seafood (snoek being most popular)
* Rolled-up lawn (the real thing, not fake grass)
* Tree-felling services

South Africa’s currency, the Rand, is very liquid on international markets. Sometimes a little too much so for our tastes, to be honest. On occasion we have such vast fluctuations in the value of the Rand that we appoint expensive commissions of enquiry to listen to conspiracy theories involving bank malfeasance and profit-seeking traders. The truth, of course, is much simpler than that: your Western governments just want to keep the black man down.

Such technical reasons aside, all you really need to know is that the exchange rates against the Dollar, Pound, Euro or Yen can move by three or four percent in a single day. Under exceptional circumstances – such as when the black man requires a particularly good stomping – the rates have been known to move by more than ten percent in a week, in either direction.

So, basically, your money may suddenly be worth more, or less, than when you left home with, and unless you are watching the exchange rate you won’t even know it until you reach the front of the foreign exchange queue.

If you can’t afford that kind of risk, pin down the exchange rate before you leave. Depending on your bank there are a couple of ways to do this: rand-denominated travellers cheques (or travellers checks as you bloody Americans insist on misspelling it), pre-paid debit cards that pretend to be credit cards (also denominated in rands), or a foreign-currency account with your bank.

Most of us locals don’t take those kind of precautions when we visit abroad, because the risk isn’t really all that big unless you plan to spend hundreds of thousands of rands. A couple of percentage points either way just doesn’t impact on small sums, and one fewer beer from the hotel mini bar isn’t going to kill you. But don’t say we didn’t warn you.

For excellent, free and real-time currency conversion, check out xe.com

In major South African cities you can buy any of the following items by simply winding down your window and handing over the cash.

(List correct at time of publication. Stocks may be limited and items available may vary with time and actual intersection visited. No returns or refunds. Warranty void on purchase. Goods may be stolen and/or counterfeit. Prices may vary according to prevailing weather conditions, phases of the moon and visual indications of gullibility relating to the purchaser. Caveat emptor.)

* Rubik’s Cubes
* Globes of the world
* Maps of the world
* Illegally copied DVDs, and occasionally CDs
* Golf balls
* Wrist watches
* Wall clocks
* Cellphone car chargers
* Bows and arrows (strictly ornamental, not recommended for actual hunting)
* Fruit
* Big black refuse bags
* Plastic clothes hangers
* A large variety of beadwork art (and keychain holders)
* Biltong
* Newspapers, educational children’s books, printed lists of jokes and other dead-tree products
* Sunglasses
* Pens
* Umbrellas
* Vibrating massage pillows
* Coca-cola (and assorted other soft drinks)
* Wall-hanging shoe organisers

Update:
Additional suggestions have been coming since this list was first posted. The one’s we’ve been able to verify to date are:
* Soccer balls
* Toe socks
* Super Glue
* Flower bouquets

You may also be interested in 15 things you can buy at the side of the road in South Africa (although you’ll have to pull over and may even have to get out of your car.)