Holy cows and other topics of conversation to avoid while in South Africa
On the whole us South Africans are a broad-minded bunch, easy to talk to and slow to anger. But if you have any intention of engaging in politically-themed small talk – especially in a pub, bar, or other environment rich in alcohol – there are a couple of subjects you should be leery of. They’re not taboo, not as such. They could just earn you an unexpected punch in the face.
For starters, don’t try to argue that Apartheid was a good idea, had positive consequences or was in any other way laudable. Not even to make a point, not even as a joke, and certainly not to try and stimulate conversation. White people will become sullenly unhappy with you in embarrassment, and no court in the land wouldn’t accept the excuse of undue provocation should a black man lift a hand to you.
Speaking of men, you insult women at your peril. Do not belittle their intelligence, their physical abilities or their bravery. We have our fair share of misogynists, like any other place on earth, but they gather in small, secret groups and keep their voices low. The average South African woman can, and will, beat you up. Depending on culture and weight class the attack may range from the business end of a stiletto wedged in your ear to an open-handed slap that could break your neck, but it will be unpleasant regardless.
Another topic to avoid is government corruption, especially when the company is overwhelmingly white and/or middle class. The danger here is that, once you get them started, these people will never, ever shut up. Resentment of the incompetence and malfeasance of public servants is limitless. Tap into this reservoir or bile and anger at your peril.
On the sporting front you are relatively safe. We are tolerant of those who do not support our own provincial or club teams, and gently amused rather than angry when foreigners fail to see the clear superiority of our imaginatively-named national soccer, cricket and rugby teams. Just do not, under any circumstances, cheer an Australian sporting squad. Down that road only severe physical mutilation awaits you.
